Chelsea Hoag, Campus Carrier Assistant Graphics Editor
It is that time of the year again—spending time with loved ones and making special moments while sharing the old ones. It is time to surprise significant others with gifts and sweet gestures. But if you are single, like myself, it is time to stomp on every pumpkin and wallow in self-pity.
There is nothing wrong with being alone; in fact it is enlightening. However, this is the absolute worst time of the year to be so. Therefore, do not, and I repeat do not, jump into any relationship solely because you feel alone. I am here to give some advice in avoiding such setup for failure in a few simple steps.
For starters, do not feel vulnerable and sign up for any social media dating site like Okcupid, or what I like to call, Okstupid. People take these sites way too seriously, putting on a suave façade and making their lives seem much more exhilarating than they really are. Meeting someone online is so 2004 and starts off relationships. I know Rome is a ghost town, but avoid online dating. Try meeting someone fetching in Atlanta instead.
If you do find yourself talking to someone and it is getting serious, or so you think, take a step back to revaluate the situation with questions like: Is he or she using me? Aside from being physical, what is our relationship really based on? Is effort being put forth on both sides? Ask these questions before jumping into the deep end to ensure both parties are on the same page.
If you find yourself answering negatively to the majority of these questions, it means you should sprint away. It is not worth sticking around any longer and becoming attached. This is when “Single Ladies” starts playing and you begin to feel empowered. Believe me when I say that you by no means deserve to be treated with disrespect by an inconsiderate pretty face. It so much easier said than done, but it must be done. Being in a relationship is not the only way to be happy.
This leads me to my next point. In The Good Life, Hugh Mackay points out that the concept of happiness is so misunderstood. The belief that everything we do has to be on this straight and narrow path of the pursuit of happiness is actually insane. Happiness is a dangerous idea. It’s a disease even. Writing down “three things that make you happy” immediately after waking up is furthering this disease and creates the fear of sadness. We are taught that happiness is supposed to be our default state. Mackay says, “Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things that make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say, ‘Quick! Move on! Cheer up!’ I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word happiness and to replace it with the word wholeness. Ask yourself, ‘is this contributing to my wholeness?’ and if you’re having a bad day, it is.”
So leave the pumpkins alone and eat your Aunt’s cooking with a smile, or frown, because it is contributing to your wholeness. Make yourself whole this holiday season.