by Darian Kuxhouse, Campus Carrier Opinions Editor
I check the back seat of my car before I get in. I also look over my shoulder about every 15 seconds if I am walking alone, especially in the dark. As a girl, I am taught to be fearful. In middle school, I was sent to the office for having “NIKE” written across the back of my baggy sweatpants. I missed three classes that day because the principal wouldn’t let me leave until my mother left work and brought me new pants. Having “NIKE” written on your butt was provocative. In high school, I wore cardigans to cover my shoulders. I tightened my bra straps enough to leave red depressions behind at the end of the day after a teacher told me I was being inappropriate when a bra strap fell and was visible below the sleeve of my t-shirt. I tested hemlines against my fingertips and my too long arms and legs that prevented any skirt, dress or shorts from being in dress code. As a girl, I was taught to hide and be ashamed of my body.
In comparison, boys aren’t usually aware of their school’s dress code. Girls are taught that they have to abide by it for the boys’ sake. It isn’t OK that from an early age, girls have to think about their body in relation to how it affects boys. It is even more appalling that instead of the general population teaching their boys to behave properly, schools and society enforce rules, that tell girls to hide their body, so that boys won’t get distracted or give them unwanted attention.
Why is it that girls are taught not to expect decency and respect regardless of the clothes they wear? Why is it that most girls can relate to the experiences I shared above, and can add in more horrific ones? And why is it considered normal to objectify and sexualize the female body?
We live in a society that says it’s OK to tell little girls to keep their legs shut when they sit down while forgetting to tell the boys not to look. We tell girls that it’s OK when a boy is mean to you and snaps your bra strap because it means he likes you instead of teaching the boys consent, respect and boundaries. Boys are taught that society doesn’t believe that they can control themselves when that is anything but true. This leads to boys who don’t respect “no,” boys who grab, slap and smack. It leads to objectification, disregard and catcalls. It leads to conversations with boys about why catcalls aren’t a compliment and conversations with girls who were told by boys that catcalls are compliments. The general population needs to know that unsolicited catcalls are not a compliment.
Teaching boys that they can’t be counted on to control themselves leads them to make a natural conclusion – they must be blameless. So who, in a society that loves to place blame, is accountable for the crimes these boys commit? Their victims. This brings it back to school dress codes. If a girl is physically or verbally assaulted, one of the first questions out of someone’s mouth is, “what was she wearing?” This is sickening. Regardless of if the girl is wearing a short dress, overalls, sweatpants or nothing at all, that doesn’t give anyone the right to assault her. This also doesn’t give anyone the right to blame her.
It’s time, and has been time, to stop placing the responsibility of boys’ actions on the shoulders of girls. We should not be held accountable for boys’ wandering gazes, for their unwarranted and unconsented touches, for their bra strap snaps, “locker room” talk and lack of control. They have the ability to respect and understand consent, but first society, parents and teachers need to do the same.