Chelsea Hoag, Campus Carrier Assistant Photojournalism Editor
Rome is not the greatest area for single people looking for relationships, unless you are in Winshape. I’m kidding. No, but really–what’s in the water there? Regardless of location, relationships can bloom anywhere.
Two beings joining together as one is a beautiful thing. Relationships, platonic or romantic, never go without turbulence. Like the yin and yang, it takes balance, and it is easy to jump into one out of eagerness. The first month of meeting someone is always the best, filled with adventure and wonderful “firsts.” You show each other all of your favorite books, music, and movies. It is easy to share parts of you that are tangible.
The second and third months become more vulnerable. Past heartbreak and family troubles might be shared. Secrets are exchanged and promises are made. After a while, the person is a comfort blanket. Judgment in never exchanged and trust is, for the most part, kept.
Healthy relationships are not measured numerically, but there is a certain point where you think you know everything about the person you love. I have gotten to this point and it usually ends shortly after. I could never figured out why until recently.
I did not focus on my own happiness in the beginning. Within weeks, I became way too attached and put the other person on a high pedestal. My friends could see the red flags, by my eyes were full of only lust and awe. The need to feel wanted outweighed reality. I used the physical aspect of the relationship to fill what was lacking and got upset when the other person did not want to reciprocate. I would not admit it then, but my attitude was a major problem. It is so easy to become addicted to another person who shows you attention, but just because you touch someone, does not mean you know him or her.
Becoming addicted to someone does not have to be solely physical. Depending on your partner for constant emotional affirmation is not healthy, either. There has to be a balance between social, intellectual, emotional, spiritual and the physical. When you find the only time you spend with one another is erotic, then it is time to personally reevaluate. Instead, touch their mind and soul. Challenge them to be a better person.
One of my favorite lines from the HBO show, “Girls,” is when Adam is giving advice to Marnie on how to bounce back after her recent breakup with Charlie. “Just because I tasted her spit or could tell you her middle name or knew a record she likes, that doesn’t mean anything. That’s not a connection. Anyone can have that. Really knowing someone is something else. It’s a completely different thing and when it happens, you won’t be able to miss it.”
I think Adam’s opinion about what a real connection is is pretty accurate and it takes a while for maturity to develop to understand it. There is a time in your life when you will figure out how liberating it is to say no to things you hate and compromising for some attention isn’t going to lead to anything healthy.
As lame as it sounds, I made a list with my best friend on a napkin at El Zarape that sets boundaries for each of us to keep during future relationships. A few of our rules include; the person we are with must respect his or her parents; must bebe gainfully employed or in college; must not to do hard drugs; and must live relatively nearby (no long- distance). Each sounds like a no-brainer, but we both have struggled with keeping such standards. For us, these “rules” are personal and are not concrete. We are evolving, and so are our wants and needs. Overall, our happiness comes first. Logic should be above emotion and keeps a person centered. Using logic to protect and guard your heart is not selfish, but a method of preservation.
It is healthy to keep your friends accountable, but it shows maturity to be self-aware. Loving yourself comes first, whether single or married. This Valentine’s Day, treat yourself.