AnnaBeth Crittenden, Campus Carrier Assistant Featured Editor

 In a society that is centered on sexual images, infatuation, and lust, people who don’t experience sexual attraction may feel left out, ignored and isolated. Such people identify themselves as asexual. In the wake of the Gay Pride parades that raised support for the LGBT community, the asexual community deserves an awareness week of their own. October 26-November 1 is Asexuality Awareness Week, held to raised recognition for the most invisible and unnoticed sexuality.

According to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) an asexual person is someone “who does not experience sexual attraction.” This can range on a scale from completely asexual (experiencing no sexual attraction at all) to demisexual (experiencing sexual attraction after strong bond is formed) to gray-sexual (experiencing very rare sexual attraction). Also, asexuality is different from celibacy. According to the Asexual Awareness Week website, celibacy is a lifestyle choice while asexuality is a sexual orientation and does not necessarily mean that the person chooses to remain abstinent.

This sexuality is considered the most ignored because many of those who identify themselves as “sexual” belittle the feelings and viewpoints of the asexual community. They ask offensive questions such as, “How do you know you don’t like sex if you haven’t tried it?” These sorts of questions, while sometimes rooted in good intentions, can make asexuals feel demeaned and unimportant, as if their sexuality will never be a good enough answer.

 “Many asexuals feel “broken” because they do not experience the same wants and desires as “everybody else’” the Asexual Awareness Week’s website says, “Many asexuals are haunted by feelings of shame and face harassment from peers because they don’t fit in. Many asexuals lead unhappy lives by trying to be “normal”.

Because not many people are aware of this sexuality, people who consider themselves “sexual” continuously make asexuals feel abnormal. A friend of mine was harassed by a man a few weeks ago because she told him she was not interested in sex. Instead of respecting her answer, he continuously pressured her, telling her that her ideals and views were wrong because she was too inexperienced. Because my friend was too afraid to tell him about her asexuality, he pursued her until she felt so uncomfortable that she eventually had to tell him to leave. This experience, whether happening to asexuals or those just not interested, can leave the person feeling violated and invisible.

Because we live in a community so focused on sex, asexuals feel like their aversion or disinterest to sex is wrong. This causes many of them to cover their sexuality in attempts to conform to our society. This happens especially in college when many of the asexauls’ friends become more sexual and they become confused in their own sexuality.

“Some said this confusion was coupled with shame and self-doubt.” The Huffington Post of June 17, 2013 says. “Almost none had ever heard of asexuality before their late teens, and almost all remember asking themselves whether something was fundamentally wrong with them.”

However, being asexual does not mean lacking romantic attraction or even the want for a romantic relationship. According to AVEN, asexual can have successful romantic relationships with “sexuals.” Although they are not interested in sex, many have the want and need to form strong and close bonds in other ways.

“The possibilities for non-sexual intimacy are vast,” AVEN says. “Some asexuals enjoy physical closeness, perhaps cuddling or stroking, with their partner [while] some asexuals express intimacy through talking, maybe sharing their innermost fears and secrets or by making each other laugh.”

Also, successful romantic asexual relationships are not always heterosexual. Asexuals can experience romantic attraction to both men and women, while some feel romantic attraction to no one.

Some have romantic feelings, but are satisfied with cuddling, hand-holding and proximity,” CNN of Sept 23, 2014 says. “Still others experience waxing and waning degrees and frequency of sexual attraction, drive and pleasure, thus finding themselves on what’s called the “gray-A” spectrum, depending upon the circumstances and parties involved.”

Therefore, although there may not be a desire for sex in a relationship, many asexuals long for relationships and the closeness that may come from physical intimacy, just without everything physical thrown into the mix.

Sandra Mellott, quoted in the previously cited CNN article, writes on her blog on January 26, 2013, “Don’t make assumptions, and don’t challenge people when they don’t behave how you expect. Actually, there’s a nice asexual t-shirt that sums this up: ‘When you say I’m confused about my sexuality, what you mean is you’re confused about my sexuality.’”

So next week, reach out and learn about a sexuality that might be different to you. And if you know someone who identifies as asexual, don’t be afraid to ask them respectful questions.

If you are interested in learning more about asexuality, you can visit AVEN or Asexual Awareness Week’s website.