Ryder McEntyre, Campus Carrier Graphics Editor

Why are we slaves to politeness? I don’t mean saying “Please” and “Thank you” and “You’re welcome” is a bad thing. Those expressions are perfectly reasonable to say, and they grease the cogs of society to help it function properly and get things done efficiently and with little stress. That level of politeness is necessary for daily life.

But the truth is, we all aren’t meant to be best friends. And sometimes, people annoy you, but you don’t want to hurt their feelings. So we pretend.

However, there are plenty of people we interact with that we do not like every single day. It’s a simple fact of life. Another simple fact of life? We consistently fake how we feel about people we just don’t mesh well in order to prevent feelings from getting hurt. That doesn’t sound so bad, does it?

I argue just the opposite. Faking how we feel about someone is literally lying to them. That’s an injustice to both yourself, and the person you’re not the biggest fan of. I believe that everyone deserves a modicum of respect – even if I don’t really like them that much. Do we really live in a society where we cannot respect our fellow humans enough to tell them the truth?

So why don’t we adopt transparency across our society and tell people what we really think of them instead of constantly faking our feelings to placate each other? Well, every time I’ve tried that earnestly and with all the good will in my heart, people get very, very angry, offended, or incredibly upset. We’re a society of liars and manipulators, and I think we should be genuine with one another.

The fact of the matter is, people – including me – really don’t like rejection, no matter the manner in which they are rejected. That’s no ones fault. But saying “Hey, I’m not really interested in talking to you.” or “I don’t like you all that much, but have a nice day!” shouldn’t sound rude anymore. It should sound honest, because if person A just really doesn’t get along with person B, but person B goes out of their way to talk to person A, person A is just miserable all the time because they don’t want to hurt person B’s feelings. It’s not fair for person B either, because they are essentially wasting their time on someone who doesn’t click with them. Person B never finds out that person A just really doesn’t enjoy their company all that much, and so Person B is consistently confused by person A’s actions of avoidance or lack of enthusiasm.

What this might seem like is some kind of humanist pessimism, but I think this kind of social atmosphere could solve a lot of issues. My theory is, the longer you’re forced to fake-like someone, the more time you’ll spend talking about them behind their backs. Hypothetical situation: Someone spends 10 minutes trying to talk to you with food in their mouth, and that’s your biggest pet peeve.  As opposed to saying “Hey, I’m not interested in talking to you right now.” or “I hate to interrupt, but I don’t think we mesh,” you spend 10 minutes with this person. When they “finally leave”, you spend probably at least five minutes complaining about how the person talked while chewing their food. My main point is that people just need to be upfront with one another. I would love to maximize the amount of authentic conversations I have in my tiny blip of an existence by telling those I don’t want to talk to that I just don’t want to talk to them. I also hope people would say the same thing to me. I’m not going to take it personally as long as no malice is spent. If everyone is just upfront and honest with each other, I think we’d all just get along so much better.

Though if we were to enter into this kind of social scenario, I hope people could find tactful ways of saying they aren’t interesting in talking or hanging out without the other person being harmed emotionally. This whole social philosophy is just seeking the maximum amount of justice for both parties – that each side gets to say their peace, and no time is wasted feeling uncomfortable or wondering how the other person stands.

The next time someone straight up says “Sorry, but I’m just not into this” to you, can we not assume that means “Go die in a candle factory fire because you smell like road kill.”

Instead, assume it means “I respect you enough as a human to tell you that I am getting the feeling we don’t mesh all that much. Nothing personal at all. There are better fits out there for you to converse with and I wish you all the luck in the world!” and from then on, you and the person you’re not a big fan of can still coexist, like in group projects or in the work place, without wasting each others time and feeling the frustration of ambiguous interaction. We’re all legally adults here, so let’s act like literal adults and be above trying to be liked by everyone. Let’s focus on our own personal evolution and our authentic relationships rather than the maintenance of fake friendships.

I’m not saying burn bridges here, people. Just don’t build a shiny new bridge that you never wanted in the first place.