Rachel Yeates, Campus Carrier Managing Editor

Waving goodbye to my parents in the Ford parking lot that first move-in day was really tough. On my own in a campus I’d only visited twice, figuring out how to organize my room, wondering what to expect from my classes, trying to entertain the idea of making friends, but all I could think about was how I would have approached these things in high school. Sure, I was in a completely new environment, but I didn’t feel any different. It felt more like a kind of sad birthday with people constantly asking, “So, how does it feel to be 18? Do you feel older?” The answer was no. It didn’t feel like anything, and I certainly didn’t feel more mature. What is that supposed to feel like anyways?

I remember those first few weeks I think I tried out every club that looked remotely interesting. I went to so many seminars – I think I knocked off more than half of my CE requirements that semester. I was trying to find my niche, trying to feel like I belonged.

One night, I was on the phone with a close friend from high school, and she was talking too about how she didn’t feel closely knit with any one group or program at her school, but that was OK because she wanted to learn to embrace the change. Embrace the change. That wasn’t something I’d considered before. High school was all about Point A to Point B. Get good grades, get into college, congrats, here’s a diploma.

And then college comes and you’re uprooted. But she was saying that wasn’t a bad thing. Things didn’t change instantly. There wasn’t a blinding light or cheesy 80’s montage that made the rest of freshman year suddenly incredible, but the idea of embracing change gave those feelings of restlessness a reason. Change means growth. It means embracing that rootlessness and learning to be OK with yourself as you are. It’s being OK with not being OK.

Learning to accept myself as I am gave me the chance to step back and take things at my own pace. It was OK if I went to a few club meetings because I knew people in them, and then found myself drawn to something else. It was OK if I started to define myself in new terms. I wasn’t high school me. There wasn’t ever one high school me, and as I changed in high school, I hope I’ve continued to change since my freshman year.

Not being complacent may sometimes lead to frustration, but it also makes for heightened awareness and empathy. Not settling on boxes for myself kept my mind and my options open. My self-awareness led to compassion for those who were also in transit.

It’s a constant process. Every day has its hurdles, but I challenge you to be kind to yourself this year. Looking back, I wish I’d been more accepting of myself and others during freshman year, but at this point in my college career, I can’t regret any of those inane decisions because I wouldn’t be where I am without them. And where I am now wishes desperately to let others know that you’re OK and things will get better.